The old joke about the four fastest methods of communication \u2014 telegraph, telephone, television, and tell a woman \u2014 was not only sexist but inaccurate, especially at Doldrum Enterprises, where the head of HR was a gossipy man. A smarmy, mean-spirited, gossipy man, who knew when to kiss up and when to put down. An early Friday morning found him standing in front of the president\u2019s desk, trying not to smirk as he listened to the Big Boss deliver the bad news.<\/p>\n
Houghton Broxley cleared his throat. \u201cI feel terrible about having to lay off five employees, especially around Christmas time.\u201d A pause. \u201cBut the demand for plain 10-ounce Styrofoam cups has plateaued. Next week, I\u2019ll make a formal announcement. Until then, Bob, keep this under your hat.\u201d<\/p>\n
Bob Slotkin nodded. \u201cI appreciate that, Mr. Broxley. And I can assure you\u00a0…\u201d<\/p>\n
A faint knocking cut him off. The door to Broxley\u2019s office opened slowly and creaked loudly. A woman\u2019s face peeked in.<\/p>\n
\u201cMr. Broxley? Do you want me to clean both the restrooms today?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, Iris, not today,\u201d Broxley replied. \u201cYou can clock out now. I hope that your grandson feels better.\u201d<\/p>\n
Iris Garcia smiled. She was a short, plump, 50ish lady with bright green eyes. \u201cThank you, Mr. Broxley. I see you later.\u201d<\/p>\n
Broxley waved goodbye. The door closed.<\/p>\n
Slotkin exited the office, his arms tucked tightly at his sides as if negotiating his way through a crowd. Somehow he still managed to bump into Halligan Bryan, who worked in shipping. Slotkin gasped, then shot an indignant look at the six-foot-four Bryan.<\/p>\n
\u201cWoops! You okay, Bob?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, I suppose so.\u201d The smirk would not be suppressed this time. \u201cI\u2019m a little preoccupied. Just got some bad news.\u201d<\/p>\n
Bryan looked worried. \u201cDoes it concern anybody I know?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt might,\u201d Slotkin admitted. Then he whispered, \u201cMr. Broxley is laying off five people. But don\u2019t tell anyone.\u201d<\/p>\n
Bryan couldn\u2019t hide his consternation. Nine people<\/em>, he thought. That was almost one-third of the workforce. Alistair Cummings, the mousy, neurotic little man who printed the day\u2019s invoices for the folks in shipping, could smell bad news, and Bryan reeked. Cummings surrendered the batch of invoices.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat\u2019s wrong, Hal?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m really not supposed to say, but you\u2019ll find out next week. Broxley\u2019s canning nine employees.\u201d<\/p>\n Cummings\u2019 blood pressure shot up. Despite his exemplary work record, he was sure that his head would be among those on the chopping block.<\/p>\n \u201cOh my God,\u201d he stammered.<\/p>\n \u201cAl,\u201d Bryan added. \u201cYou didn\u2019t hear it from me.\u201d<\/p>\n Cummings honored the request for anonymity. But there had been no admonition regarding silence, so he quietly confided in his friend and co-worker, Boyd Boise.<\/p>\n \u201c19 people?\u201d Boise nearly yelled, and was immediately shushed by Cummings. Then Boise whispered, \u201cWho told you that?\u201d Cummings wouldn\u2019t say.<\/p>\n When Boise was clocking out for the day, his supervisor, Kate Chaplin, asked him why he was in such a bad mood. His response alarmed her. She knew that business was slow, but such an unprecedented number of layoffs was, well, unprecedented. How could Broxley downsize 90 percent of his workforce? She knew that Boise had said 90 people, but since there were only 28 employees, he must have misspoken. This was what she related to the assistant supervisor, Chloe Bamberger.<\/p>\n \u201cNinety percent!\u201d Bamberger gasped. \u201cHe may as well close down the whole company!\u201d<\/p>\n Before she went home and shared the bad tidings with her husband, Kyle, Bamberger inadvertently shared the news with Eureka Breslin, Chaplin\u2019s administrative assistant, who overheard Bamberger\u2019s end of the conversation. Breslin confided with her respective husband, Stan, that Doldrum Enterprises was going out of business.<\/p>\n \u201cShe said, \u2018He\u2019s going to close down the whole company.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n On Monday morning, Broxley was planning on making the dreaded announcement. But he was spared by an unexpected chain of events. The still volatile Chloe Bamberger was on the telephone with a friend, complaining about her \u201cmonster of a boss,\u201d who was planning on shutting down the entire operation.<\/p>\n \u201cCan you believe this man?\u201d she said to her high school pal, Anna Retlick. \u201cSeven years on this job, and what do I get for a Christmas present? A pink slip! Well, if he wants to lay off … Whatever. That\u2019s fine. That\u2019s just fine!\u201d<\/p>\n Her voice was louder than she imagined, loud enough for Iris Garcia, who was vacuuming next door in Chaplin\u2019s office, to overhear. But a closed door and a running vacuum can distort words. \u201cFine\u201d might become \u201cfive.\u201d Nevertheless, Garcia took it upon herself to speak to Broxley.<\/p>\n The boss was on the telephone when she knocked on his door.<\/p>\n Finishing his conversation, Broxley hung up. \u201cCome in.\u201d<\/p>\n Garcia stepped across the threshold, closing the door softly behind her.<\/p>\n \u201cI am sorry to bother you, Mr. Broxley, but I heard a bad rumor that I hope is not true.\u201d<\/p>\n Broxley waited for her to continue.<\/p>\n \u201cAre you gonna lay off five people?\u201d<\/p>\n Stunned, Broxley said nothing … at first. He folded his arms across his chest. How did she know? Of course<\/em>, he concluded.<\/p>\n \u201cNo, Iris,\u201d he replied cheerfully. \u201cI\u2019m not going to lay off five people. Only one.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" The old joke about the four fastest methods of communication \u2014 telegraph, telephone, television, and tell a woman \u2014 was not only sexist but inaccurate, especially at Doldrum Enterprises, where the head of HR was a gossipy man. A smarmy, mean-spirited, gossipy man, who knew when to kiss up and when to put down. An … <\/p>\n