TNA No Surrender 2011
Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the ever misleading Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we make use of the very most concise and accurate reviewing tool at our disposal and as such provide to you a review with the absolute focus and precision of a laser beam. TNA No Surrender 2011 is the show in question, and I say this with the utmost solemnity and seriousness. It deserves every inch of what we are about to do to it.
So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!
Cewsh: I can already hear you all now. “This again, Cewsh? Why couldn’t you have just reviewed the show like always?” Perhaps a few of you might even be saying “Come on, the show wasn’t THAT bad, you’re overreacting.” To the both of you I say that no we can’t, and no we’re not.
Let me be clear about this. This show is dogshit. TNA faithful may hem and haw and look for the best in everything, and to them I have nothing but admiration for their perseverance and sympathy for their denial. This show was dogshit on a scale approached only by a city park on the weekend. Nearly every fucking match was marred by some ridiculous finish that was totally unnecessary and actively fucked up any interest the fans had in the match, every match on the card felt like a repeat for the millionth time and the one thing that should have been at a fever pitch going into its conclusion (the Bound For Glory Series) was instead ruined by confusion, silly misleading rules, and a completely out of nowhere final four, only one of whom had even been pushed in the months leading up to now (Hint: Its not the guy who won). To say that incompetence ran wild in the planning and execution of this show would be to suggest that we have some kind of right to expect anything else from the people who employ a known drug addict and who brought him back immediately before he is sentenced to jail time, and have a repeat DWI offender for their World Champion. Believe me, I could rant all day about this and about how every champion in the company is completely undermined and worthless, and about how the main event of every TNA show is met with utter ambivalence by their audience, and how after one shining show of brilliance they have buried what makes them successful in an ever growing bog of diseased booking. I could go on forever.
But, frankly, they don’t deserve my time.
So good work to Aries and Kendrick for rising above the muck with an admirable performance, and the best of luck to Robert Roode, a hard working and talented man whose main event push is going to fail for reasons he cannot help. Good luck to AJ Styles and Samoa Joe and Christopher Daniels and all the guys who have tried their best to turn this product into something to be proud of for so many years. The best of luck to you all. Because increasingly, week by week and month by month, I am convinced that you will need it.
Vice: When Austin Aries wins the X Division title in a very fun match, and the show still gets a facepalm review.. you know things have gone horribly wrong. Well, this is TNA, so maybe I should just say things are par for the course. With their biggest PPV of the year coming up next month, this is not a good sign.
Easy with the pitchforks and torches there kids, and rest easy. Instead of making you spend your whole week contemplating the unimaginable mind fuckery that is TNA No Surrender 2011, you’ll be getting an actual for real review as well because that’s the kind of loving and benevolent bloggers we are. So keep an eye out for the incredibly exciting beginning to out Puro Month NJPW Dominion 2011 coming up mid week, and and for more goodies in the days and weeks to come. And whether you’re booking TNA (looking at you, Gadhafi) or already picking out your slutty schoolgirl outfit for Halloween (looking at you, mirror) remember to keep reading, and be good to one another.