By John Canton
Follow me on Twitter @johnreport
Live from Nashville, Tennessee this is the Raw Deal…
Jerry Lawler was back at the announce desk with Michael Cole. The first people we see on Raw are Santino, Kozlov and Tamina. They come out for some kind of match, but before that can happen the new Nexus comes out and beats the crap out of them. They toss them from the ring as if they are jobbers. That’s because the tag titles don’t matter. Even CM Punk made a joke about it. That’s fine. He says all five guys in the new Nexus have to prove their worth by sacrificing. They’ll all be put through tests throughout the show and if you don’t pass them you’re out of the group. The first one was for Michael McGillicutty to change his name! I wish. I hate that damn last name. The initiation was that everybody else in the group got to beat up MM. So they all hit him with their finishing moves while the announcers mentioned that this was sick to do this to a friend. Punk ended it with a GTS. The other four Nexus guys carried out MM…literally. I thought it was a different kind of statement, but it works in putting Punk over as a cult-like leader.
They had R-Truth come out with his “What’s Up?” rap while Cole complained about it. Ricardo Rodriguez introduced Alberto Del Rio. Yep, the brands don’t matter. I don’t mind. More Alberto on TV is a good thing. I should add that Ricardo’s fantastic with the ring introductions. I need to hire him for my wedding…if I ever do get married. We can even keep in the Spanish parts. I’d be too drunk to give a damn. They plugged the Hall of Fame announcement too, saying it will be a big one. I thought maybe Randy Savage as a less obvious choice. That would have been cool.
Alberto Del Rio d. R-Truth via DQ (1/2*)
Last week they got 10 minutes. This week? Under 2 minutes. They fought on the floor, Ricardo distracted Truth by yelling “What’s Up? What’s Up?” repeatedly and Alberto jumped back into the ring for the win. I was disappointed by this and it let me know this wasn’t going to be like the wrestling heavy show we got a week earlier. Post match, Del Rio insulted the Nashville country music scene and had Ricardo sing “La Cucaracha.” I’m a fan of these guys, but that was painful by the end. That’s house show heat. Not a live Raw. I was disappointed by this segment.
They showed a clip of Miz taking out Lawler from two weeks ago.
The GM buzzed in. Cole read this long winded statement about how annoying he is and then he read a part saying just kidding while calling himself handsome among other things. This was pretty lame. Lawler told him to shut up and that nobody wants to hear it. Lawler closed the computer. Then there was another buzz. This GM types fast! Haha. The GM says Cole is not a coward and neither is Lawler. Tonight’s main event would be Orton & Lawler vs. Miz & Riley. I thought they’d do that so Miz could finally pin Lawler to end this thing. I thought wrong. Could you imagine if they built up a young wrestler the way they have Lawler by getting pins on the champ? It might actually lead to somebody getting over instead of a 60+ year old. No disrespect to Lawler, but enough with the Lawler matches already. I’ll write this like a Cena promo: Hey WWE, maybe you should think about trying to DEVELOP YOUR YOUNG STARS! Thanks.
Backstage, it was time for Husky Harris’ initiation. Each of the three other Nexus guys plus CM Punk got to whip him in the back. Each guy got to do it three times. He yelled in pain and then Punk had his turn, whipping him many more times than three. They went to commercial by focusing on the back of Husky. Lawler said it was the stupidest thing he’s ever seen. Katie Vick is offended by that statement.
Mark Henry & Daniel Bryan d. Tyson Kidd & Ted Dibiase (*)
For whatever reason there were no intros here and no Jackson Andrews with Tyson Kidd. The Bellas looked slutty as usual. God bless them for that. This was way too short, not even getting 3 minutes. I love how the announcers mentioned that Dibiase and Maryse have had problems due to Ted’s losing recently. All he ever does is lose. Mark Henry got the pin on Kidd because it’s Royal Rumble time, so of course he has to prove to be the threat that he is. Why put over a guy that just turned heel when you can put over a midcard veteran? DEVELOP YOUR YOUNG STARS!
Did you know? Mark Henry has only eliminated a total of TWO people (according to those that actually checked that aren’t named John Canton) in Royal Rumble matches in his glorious 15 year career. Despite that, he’s a threat to win. He’s been gearing up for 2011 his whole life. Never mind that he’s booked strong every single year only to do absolutely nothing in the Rumble. It’s KOOL-AID~! time, bitches!
(The preceding message has been paid for by the “Mark Henry: THREAT TO WIN” committee. They will be here every week on the road to the Royal Rumble. They love you because you love Mark.)
They plugged NXT. Jacob Novak, aka the guy with the big nose, got eliminated. The guy that looks like a rat is still there. I wish those descriptions were a joke.
Big Show came out. He said he’s going after Wade Barrett since he attacked him last week on Smackdown and that he’s very serious about the Royal Rumble. Yep, he’s a threat to win! The Nexus music hit. Punk came out with Otunga, Gabriel and Slater. Otunga walked out there, slapped Show in the face and then stepped back ready to take a beating. Big Show beat the crap out of him all over the ringside area with Otunga not fighting back at all. Then he took a chokeslam and he got KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT~! for his troubles. That was his initiation. The announcers questioned this whole thing.
Plug time! I did an interview with the “Under The Tights” wrestling show for a full hour. We talked about my writing history, we talked about current things in the wrestling business and even about some women too. I always have to do that. I told them to write up a plug so here you go: “Under the Tights with Rome Philips and Gib Matthias will stream live at Cascadia.fm on Wednesday, January 12th, at 11 AM Pacific (2pm ET). Our guest is John Canton. Anyone who misses the show can go to inbedwithmattandphil.com to play it or download it. We also host our comedy show, “In Bed” with Matt and Phil from that site. We are also online at: Facebook.com/underthetights and Twitter: @underthetights”
I had a blast doing it. If anybody wants me to be on a podcast or radio show to talk wrestling I’d be happy to do it. I usually say yes. Send me an email at [email protected] or contact me on Twitter @johnreport with your request. You can always listen to the TJR podcast every Wednesday on thejohnreport.net too.
John Morrison d. Sheamus (**1/4)
Again? They have good chemistry, but it would be nice if we got a new match. They also had better matches in the past, both on Raw and on PPV. There was a cool spot with Morrison leaping on the floor, but Sheamus destroyed him with a knee to the ribs. That could really hurt if you screw it up. Sheamus went for the Brogue Kick, but Morrison collapsed, which ended up saving himself. Morrison hit his running knee strike and go the pin. He rarely wins with that move. Why is Sheamus booked to lose so much after winning King of the Ring? How many TV/PPV matches has he won since then? All he seems to do is lose. They’re building him up for Triple H’s return by having him lose repeatedly? I don’t understand the logic.
Backstage, Punk had two Kendo Sticks in his hands. He told Gabriel & Slater to beat eachother with them in order to be initiated. They stared at eachother, then they stared at Punk and then they dropped them, leaving Punk alone with a grin on his face. I guess they’re out of the group. Maybe they go to Smackdown with Barrett? I dunno.
Hall of Fame time. Jerry Lawler introduced the first inductee: Shawn Michaels. I guess we’ll get three months of HBK videos, huh? Works for me. He came out to a MASSIVE pop. Yep, I had a joygasm there. I fully admit that. He was about to talk when Alberto Del Rio came out, all dressed up, with a microphone in hand. He put over HBK’s career, but said now that Shawn’s done he’s going to win the Rumble and be known as the new Mr. WrestleMania. Shawn’s reaction? Sweet Chin Music superkick. Del Rio is KO’d. Michaels pointed at his boot as if to say he could still do the kick. That was fun.
My beef with the Hall of Fame is this. They do a good job with the ceremony, the video packages and the speeches, but some of the people in it are undeserving. There is no waiting period or set rules to it. It’s pretty random. They still don’t have Bruno Sammartino or Randy Savage in. They put Koko B Ware, who was nothing more than a jobber in his career. If he’s in then every midcard of the last 20 years deserves to be in too. That’s not right. IT should be more exclusive. With that said, will I love it when HBK gets inducted? Absolutely. My favorite wrestler ever and to me the best performer ever. Chris Jericho on Twitter last night (@IAmJericho): “Shawn Michaels was my favorite opponent and is the greatest performer of all time. Nobody else even comes close. HBK IS the hall of fame!” Enough said.
Now for the inevitable question: Do I think HBK is going to wrestle again? No. I believe him when he says he’s done. I also believed Flair, though. The difference is Flair needed the money in TNA because he was legitimately broke due to four divorces and not saving money. Michaels is well off. He’ll be like Austin, who hasn’t wrestled since 2003 even though he gets asked repeatedly. I’m sure I will be asked about this 784 times between now and WrestleMania, though.
The Wrestling Observer claims WWE has signed two other big names for the Hall of Fame. We don’t know who they are yet. Lots of rumors about Savage, Sting and Goldberg to name a few, but I think with HBK being a headliner that only Goldberg is likely from that group. I think Arn Anderson is highly probable too.
Backstage The Miz vowed to humiliate Lawler and Orton.
CM Punk showed up on the Titantron threatening to jump. The announcers used SERIOUS VOICES~! He said we’re all idiots for thinking he would. The Nexus guys came out, that being Otunga, McGillicutty and Harris. No Gabriel or Slater. Punk vowed to take over WWE. Cena showed up on the screen. He said he’d kick Punk’s ass (and apologized for saying ass on his twitter, even saying he got fined). They agreed to a match next week. I thought Punk was really good throughout the show, but it was a little much too.
Before we got to the main event I have to plug my Royal Rumble recaps that are exclusive to thejohnreport.net. I’ll be writing about every Rumble from 1988 to 2010 through the month of January unless it kills me first. It’s just the Rumble match. No other matches. Here’s a
listing of what I have done so far:
1993 Rumble won by Yokozuna.
1992 Rumble won by Ric Flair.
1991 Rumble won by Hulk Hogan.
1990 Rumble won by Hulk Hogan.
1989 Rumble won by Big John Studd.
1988 Rumble won by Hacksaw Jim Duggan.
Sorry for all the plugs. I’m proud of my work, though, so I want to make sure people are reading it.
Randy Orton & Jerry Lawler d. The Miz & Alex Riley (*1/2)
A very average match that didn’t do much in terms of promoting the Rumble match, at least to me. It feels like we did this a few weeks back in a six man tag. They got 12 minutes. Orton hit the RKO on Riley and Lawler pinned him with the fist drop for the win. It doesn’t make me want to see Orton vs. Miz again. I thought it was finished. I’d rather see Miz vs. Morrison at the Rumble because it’s a better match and a fresher match.
The show ended with Orton staring. It ran long too. That’s what happens on promo heavy shows.
Three Stars of the Show
1. Shawn Michaels – His first time in a WWE ring since April? Yep, he’s first star.
2. CM Punk – Best talker in the company.
3. John Morrison – He’s an elite worker. Nothing else really stood out to me.
4 out of 10
Last week: 9
2011 High Score: 9 (Jan. 3)
2011 Low Score: 4 (Jan. 10)
2011 Average: 6.5
This was a below average show. A big step back from the last three shows that I gave a 9, 7 and 8 to.
I liked the initiation stuff because it will show us how loyal these guys are to Punk and why they are willing to do his bidding in the future.
Wrestling wise there wasn’t much excitement here. It was an angle driven show and it didn’t work that well.
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Thanks for reading.
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